This might sound obvious but it's so easy to forget that relationships don’t just take care of themselves, they take hard work. If you said yes to any of the questions above, you are not alone. So many couples struggle with feeling stuck or disconnected.
With advances in healthcare and technology, we live a longer life than ever before. We want to have happy and fulfilling connections that last a lifetime (or atleast a long time) but often we don’t have the tools to navigate the many changes over the course of our lives AND stay connected to our partner(s).
It is natural for our lives to ebb and flow so it takes hard work to stay connected in this changing landscape.
Additionally, stressful times can bring out deeper wounds. Painful past experiences, relationship patterns that tend to make things worse and not better, or even the way your caregivers treated you can come out in these times. We might start reacting from a place of hurt but may not even know why.
You might have tried talking about it with your partner but the same conflict just keeps resurfacing.
Counseling can interrupt the unhelpful patterns you feel stuck in. Using research-proven strategies to improve connection, we will find which tools work for your unique relationship. It is possible to feel secure and even excited in your relationship. If you have the motivation to work at it, you can create an even more meaningful connection than when you fell in love.
The reason we so often lose that connection is because we exchange novelty and excitement for familiarity and comfort. There is nothing wrong with this but if we lean too far in that direction, we can get complacent and stop doing the things that cultivated desire.
This can get even more complicated if there are relationship transitions that are making it difficult to connect. This could look like moving in together, having kids, opening up the relationship or changing the structure in some way, job loss/job changes, moving, and more.
Counseling can help you identify exactly what is getting in the way of the connection, what has fallen away that needs to be cultivated again, and where the joy can be fostered in the relationship. Over time, new patterns will become more of a habit and you can experience the gifts of overcoming this hurdle to have a deep meaningful connection.
In our sessions, we’ll start with talking about where your relationship is at right now. We’ll create common goals of what you both would like to feel and experience in the relationship. From there we will investigate what the barriers are to having this experience. As your therapist, I will provide a deeper reflection and understanding of what is happening in the relationship so you can have greater clarity on what needs to be addressed for you to move forward.
I will explore with you questions such as when did this distance surface? What was it like when the distance wasn’t there? What parts of yourself show up in conflict? What was modeled for you in intimate relationships growing up? Are there triggers or past traumas that are showing up in the present? Through this discussion, we can find answers and develop tools that can help you reframe your thinking about the relationship and step out of self-defeating patterns of behavior.
Are you ready to take the first step towards a better relationship? Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced therapists.
Every relationship is different, so I always tailor my sessions to each couple. You might respond well to behavioral strategies for cultivating connection and action steps. Or, you may need a deeper approach to work through attachment insecurities and past traumas. Some need somatic tools and regulation strategies if they are experiencing past traumas in the present. As we work together, I will draw on my training to offer the tools and techniques that can best serve you.
I’ve been supporting couples to improve their relationship throughout my career of the past 9 years, and I know that you really can create a fulfilling connection. With the objectivity of a third person with specialized training in relational approaches, you can get unstuck. You are capable of improving your relationship with the right support.
Often we’re told a lie that if a relationship is meant to be then it should just last, naturally. But that is not what the research shows. Sustaining long term relationships takes work and dedication. The research shows that across the board we do not couple up with people similar to us necessarily, so it only makes sense that differences are going to arise. Additionally, we change as people throughout our lives. So it’s our job to always be getting to know our partner(s) anew.
You may decide that this isn’t the relationship for you. You always have the choice to be in this and work on it or restructure/dissolve the relationship. If you decide to work on it, know that having issues is human and not a sign of incompatibility. I would even argue against the idea of inherent compatibility or incompatibility. It’s up to you to discover- do the positive qualities of the relationship outweigh the sacrifices. No matter who you partner with there will always be gifts and challenges. Counseling can help navigate the challenges to create a better connection.
If you’re considering couples therapy, then odds are you are experiencing dissatisfaction in the relationship. If left unaddressed this can lead to separation and divorce. This is much more expensive than counseling. And even if you decide to restructure the relationship, having better tools to navigate that will save you thousands of dollars in contentious legal battles.
Additionally, happiness in our intimate relationships is linked to even longer life spans and positive health outcomes. So improving your relationship will not only save you money from avoiding lawyer fees and such, it will improve your health and wellness beyond the relationship and who knows how many costs you’ll avoid by being healthier and happier in your life?
Therapy doesn’t have to be a lifetime commitment. Each couple is different, so I always tailor my treatment approach to what you’re looking for. You may only need a little time and education to get the tools you need in order to start improving the relationship. Or, you may want additional, ongoing guidance.
Let’s discuss at our first session what your hope is for this process and we can focus our efforts on that. We can always shift our frequency as changes arise. Let me know what you’re looking for and I’m here to support your goals.
Sessions are online via secure video. This affords you flexibility and saves you travel time. I recommend that you and your partner have a place that is private and comfortable for you both to meet with me. We can also be flexible if you’re unable to meet together on occasion. You simply click the link that will be sent to you through Simple Practice and join the meeting. I’ll be ready for you!
Fun Fact: more and more research is coming out to support that online therapy is just as effective as in person therapy. :)
If you’re struggling to create meaningful change in your relationship, help is available. Please CLICK BELOW to see if couples counseling is right for you with a FREE 20 minute phone consultation.
Couples+ = I support couples with a variety of relationship structures such as monogamy, ENM (ethical non-monogamy), open relationships, swingers, polyamorous, etc. Whatever your relationship structure I am happy to support your relationship and help you improve it!
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If you are in a crisis please call the crisis hotline at 9-8-8 or text HOME to 741741
Mindful Connection Counseling
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